ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
