It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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