i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
