By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
