Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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