just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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