ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
