The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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