...so i touched it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
