did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
