if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
