I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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