Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
