Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
