I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
