Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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