all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
