Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
