i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
