Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
