and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
