Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
