my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
