It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
