party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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