Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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