I wish you could order shots online.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
