lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
