i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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