Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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