glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Randomize
