Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
