dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
