i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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