Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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