The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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