god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
