Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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