hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
