3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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