You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
