We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
