I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
