my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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