someone owes me an orgasm
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
