i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
