I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
