we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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