my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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