apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
