There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
