Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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