did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
