Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
