I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i now understand why vodka
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
