I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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