if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
