They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
