eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
