I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
