After last night, I could never be a politician.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
