sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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