he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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