dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
