Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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