what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
